2. I'm reading Lolita and I know this sounds dramatic but it might be the only book I want to read for, like, ever. At least a year.
3. The other day I saw a man at a restaurant with his family (through the window) and he was wearing a GIANT fabric top hat that looked like a birthday cake and said Happy Birthday. It had felt candles sticking out of the top. I laughed out loud in the street.
After being introduced to the "Roundball Rock" video I've posted below I stared thinking about people who think they are doing something awesome but are really just being douche bags. Here are some examples:
Big surprise, John Tesh is kind of a douche. Goatee+Vest+Mad keyboard skills=not the coolest guy ever. Plus the whole answering machine thing is pure gold. Actually, everyone involved in this entire concert thinks they are way cooler than they are.
Omg Michael Flatley. How was this guy, like, the biggest deal for about a year back in the 90s? He has a mullet perm, a blouse, and high heels. Seriously. Also I think I remember him having rape charges filed against him. Douchey, not cool.
So you know when you just let your mind wander and one thought leads to another and you start thinking about all kinds of random unrelated but semi-related stuff? Well, I did that today as I walked to my Friday morning coffee shop (creature of habit, anyone?). Here's my train of thought:
a) Today is Friday the 13th. I hope nothing bad happens.
b) That means that tomorrow is Valentines Day and it falls on a Saturday.
c) In grade school when a holiday fell on a weekend we would have a party on the Friday before.
d) All those little schoolkids are having their Valentines parties today with cupcakes and Hannah Montana valentines and craft projects.
e) Valentines Day in Jr. High was the worst. So much pressure and anticipation and nervousness and boys just ended up being idiots anyway.
f) Actually the boys were probably the smart ones for not making Valentines Day a big deal. Girls are crazy.
g) Poor Jr. High girls. So many of you are going to cry yourselves to sleep tonight.
I don't know any Jr. High age girls personally so I'm going to write a letter of caution and wisdom to 12-14 year old girls in general. Here goes:
Ladies,
Hows it going? How are things lately? Lemme guess: you have a crush and you're not sure if he likes you back, you think you're fat/have bad skin, your friends are mean to you sometimes for no reason at all, and your parents are ridiculous. Am I close? I thought so.
I've been there and it sucks. Jr. High really truly is the worst. Your hormones are going out of control, you're super insecure, you just want to be older and cooler, and you have no control over your lives at all. Sucks to be YOU.
All this worrying about boys and body image and friends and your personal identity is only the beginning. It never stops. Well, not for 10 years at least and I'm pretty sure people feel this way past 24- I just haven't gotten there yet. Can you chill out a bit? Try to put off worrying as long as you can. Don't do the makeup thing, don't try to get away with the skimpiest clothes the dress code will allow, don't buy low-fat yogurt, don't try so hard to sit next to the guy you like at the movie- just don't do it.
Be a nerd. Omg social suicide? Right...guess what? People that were nerds in Jr. High usually turn out to be cool later on. And people that are cool in Jr. High usually turn out to be super insecure and annoying later on. The only exception that I can think of is Tyra Banks, who was a total dork in Jr. High and is a total freakshow now. But no one should base their choices on what Tyra does.
So for Valentines Day how about not spending 4-5 school nights worrying about how to let your crush know you like him without looking desperate. How about hanging out with your girlfriends and NOT TALKING ABOUT BOYS. Talk about books or movies or clothes or ANYTHING but boys. Trust me, they're not talking about you and are having much more fun.
Why do I care? I've been where you are and, looking back, I wasted so much time and energy creating unnecessary drama and pain. Don't do it. Have fun and don't give a shit. You have plenty of time.
The other night I was commissioned to knit a hat for my friend "Joe." Joe is a pretty particular person and had some strict guidelines to follow:
1. The hat is to be tight but not too tight. Not slouchy but not a skull cap. Indie chic. Joe helped me out by trying on all the hats at the table and showing me the different ways they fit his head. I think I have a pretty good idea of size.
2. Yarn thickness. Thick when you squeeze the edge of it but not too thick of yarn. I've decided to use a thinner yarn and just double up on it to make a nubby look. We'll see how it goes.
3. Design. None of those fancy lines or shapes or anything. Just a basic knit. Sweet, I can do that.
4. Color. Here's the hardest part. I received this picture via facebook chat:
Apparently he googled "ochre" to get this picture. So I had to match the yarn to these shoes. That means a trip to...the YARN STORE! Here is the yarn store:
I took "Mindy" to the yarn store with me, which is in a small house converted into a thriving business. We walked in the door and were greeted by a short, curly-haired woman who called, "Hi you guys, lemme know if you need anything!" as she walked into another room of the house/store. We wandered through all the rooms of the house looking through the different yarns to find something to match the shoe picture. There are so many kinds of yarn! They were all divided by types, I guess, because above each shelf was a sign that said "Sport Weight" or "Baby Weight" or "some other kind of weight." These categories must make sense to someone but to me it just meant that I had to walk through every room of the house looking for the right yarn.
When we walked through what used to be the dining room we saw a man sitting at the table knitting a really long yellow and red striped thing, just kind of hanging out and knitting. Cool, bro. It's totally sexist but it's surprising to see a man knitting at all and even more surprising to see him hanging out and knitting in a store. Maybe it felt all cozy because it used to be a house- I don't know. I'm judging.
Eventually we decided to consult the expert curly-haired woman. I showed her the picture of the shoes and told her the thickness/weight of yarn I needed. Then she went into crazy yarn-nerd mode and rattled off brands of yarn and weights and order times! "Oh, we should try Debbie Bliss or maybe Gedifra or I would say Needful Yarn but Needful Yarn takes so long to ship" and disappeared into the basement. Those were real yarn brands omg.
Turns out I would have had to order 2 skeins (those are rolls) of Debbie Bliss yarn at $16 a skein so I faked having to consult Joe and busted out of the house/store. JoAnn Fabrics had everything I needed for $3.25.
Also, you can knit lingerie, like a knit thong. Eew!
We'll see how the hat goes. As for thongs, there's no way that's worth the trouble or anywhere near comfortable.
I've been out of work for almost a month now (4 days shy) and it's getting kinda old. I had hopes that this time was going to be an amazing journey into my inner self. I would discover who I truly was by "befriending my loneliness, thus may it become (my) solitude" (thanks Henri Nouwen). I hoped that this heroic break from what my everyday life has been would result in the reward of a life changing job. This is supposed to be the time I'll look back on and say, "That was it. That was when everything changed for me." But I think it might not happen.
So while I'm still in this in between place I think I need to do more meaningful things. As much as I've enjoyed getting coffee, doing crossword puzzles (I'm up to Tuesday in the NY Times if I use Google a bit), hanging out with friends, and watching Six Feet Under I think I need to create some more constructive activities for myself. Here are some things that I want to do but haven't done yet:
Learn to play the bass! I don't know why I keep putting this off. It's like the easiest and most rewarding thing to do. I just put on music and try to play basslines along with the songs. Plus the more I do it the easier and more fun it gets.
Go on adventures. There are many places in Seattle that I haven't been to and lots of local things I haven't seen. What better thing to do with and empty day than do something you've never done? Plus I can blog about it.
Sew. I'm sick of my clothes and sewing is fun, plus you have a complete product at the end of it. I need to find some fabric...
Cook. Good idea but I probably won't do it.
Read more books. Next time I'm tempted to see what's OnDemand I'll just pick up The Bell instead. Plus you can listen to music while you read.
Volunteer. Good for me, good for everyone else, just good all around. Where...?
Hey, if anyone else has any good ideas to add to the list please let me know. I'm totally open to new ideas- they will at least give me something new to think about.
What's cooler than Mario? What's cooler than the flute? What's cooler than a mustache? What's cooler than wearing all black and beat boxing?
ALL OF THEM TOGETHER!
Oh wow, I almost can't stand it. This is so cool. He has so many outfits! And who would think to use chopsticks on a cello?! I need to find out who edited this video.
There is a cat with a halo...
Ok I love Harry Potter. And I love classical instruments. And I looooove amateurs playing in public places. This video has IT ALL!! And the car horn at the end.
Doug!
This last one is not an instrument but I did find it by searching "cool classical music".
Unemployed update: I had a job interview today! It could have been the light at the end of my jobless tunnel but it turned out to be depressing enough to make me watch 2 1/2 hours of the learning channel (What Not To Wear and 17 Kids and Counting). Here's the story...
So about a week ago I applied and got an interview to be a "Waddler Teacher". This is cutesy daycare code for "1 year old watcher". I've nannyed before and 1 year olds are totally fun (learning to talk, walk, eat solid food- it's adorable) so I was moderately stoked.
My interview was at 10:30 today and I decided to leave myself some extra time to sit and read at the Starbucks across from the daycare. I tried their Vanilla Rooibos Tazo Tea Latte, which was pretty good but really sweet. Among the cast of characters at Starbucks were a Grandma who was unsure of how to order a hot sandwich ("Do I get it out of the case myself or do you get it for me?"), a mom with her two kids ("We're going to the pet store. No, not to get a new hamster, just a new hamster wheel. He's running free right now" and the little girl says, "Hamster hamster hamster hamster"), and a guy shout-talking into his cell phone about some kind of business stuff ("Yeah, dude, first you have to open the document and then you can edit the content! Totally, I know, it's crazy!"). It's safe to say that I made some SERIOUS progress in my book.
When it was time for my interview (actually 8 minutes early because I'm good like that) I walked across to the daycare, which has a hilarious name but I won't reveal it because that would be mean. The SECOND I went in the door I knew this was not a place I could be. I went down the stairs to a stuffy, crowded basement (basement means no windows). There was one huge room with about 50 kids in it from age 1 (my guys!) to about 6. But there were no walls between them! There were bookshelves dividing the screaming 1 year olds from the screaming 3 year olds. Guess what: bookshelves are not sound proof, especially when they are only 3 feet tall. Surprising, right?
The sullen goth teenager told me she would get "Sherie" for me (I made this name up, don't worry) and I heard Sherie shout-talk (another shout-talker?!) that she, "couldn't leave the classroom right now". Yes, the classroom partitioned off by half-walls of cubbies and bookshelves. Totally passive agressive and totally someone I want to be no where near, especially in a basement with a goth teen, screaming kids, and (coming soon, I'm sure) puke or poop.
Sherie eventually met me in her office and before she could even sit down I told her that I wanted to come in person to tell her that I had taken another job and was sorry to waste her time. Total lie! But what else was I going to say?! And then she asked me, "Oh, where will you be working?" Uh oh...I made up something about a Childcare Center on Queen Anne and bolted.
Bullet Dodged. Peace out daycare. Having no job is better than having you.
